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i am lonely. are you there ?
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take me to the sky
Sunday, March 28, 2004
if i were i were to do that... wad will she think of me ? later she find me irritating.. then that will be sooo cham.. i super sscared sia... hmmm.... i think i thinking i am thinking intending of calling her out on Good Friday... then watch movies and stuffs.. and i think of taking some photos... of the message i wanna tell her... but i thinking now wad to take... like those in Jay's MV ? the qing tian where jay had a bunch of photos of hearts and U and i alike this ? hmmmm... i can make that .. but will she know ? wad if i give it to her liaoz.. then she see le.. understand le.. then she avoid me how ?? hias.... muz get my dad's manual camera up and running cuz i wanna try out.... yar.. hahaha ok la... gotta go now... byee ! Friday, March 26, 2004
Thursday, March 25, 2004
2molo thinking wad to wear.. hahahahaha.. dun wanna wear so nice.. later spoil my image... she will say me overdressed.. hahahaha.. ....nothin to wear le... wear shirt ? wear tee ? pants ? shorts ? shoes ? leather shoes ?? hias !!! sooo sian.. hahaha dunno lehz.. hahaha.. juz hope 2molo she wun be so busy la... HOPE !! den erm... hmm... lets see... gotta sign off now la.. cuz haf the last summary to finish.. if not my head will roll on the floor 2molo.... byee ! Tuesday, March 23, 2004
ok... i think i haf nothin to write bout today.. so i think i am going to write off now !! bye bye !! BYee !!!! CiaAAO !! HeeHeeeX Thursday, March 18, 2004
today i got my homework from ah fer... u dun need to know who is he/her... hahaha... very difficult de.. especially in co-ordinating the time and place.. then when she... AH.. ok.. i admit.. its a she la hor... but then.. nothing wrong la.. she juz pass hmwrk for me.. then later when she meet me... she said.. "whoa.. u soooo ma fan.. qian jing xiao jie".... wad the... since when i become xiao jie ?!? - . - !! i think she refering herself as qian jing xiao jie.. cuz she always gets my attention one... soooo stupid... - . - !! hmm... nowadays.. finding the comercial on the jay's advertisement for the Panasonic phone.. rather interesting and the qing tian mv.. haha.. i find it nice.. hahaha... but i am not a jay supporter.. but a supporter for music and as usual i am neutral to all... ahaha... therefore... its all the same... nothin i can write bout today also.... 2molo will be the 103km run on HQ ncc.. hahaha.. and yue yun is participatin in it.. dunno as wad la.. maybe as runner or as the marshall ... ahahaha... but by the time she come home will be like salted vege.. so dun disturb her for the time being lorz.. haha ....dun wanna talk bout her now la... theres nothing to talk bout her also.. and i realise that jesslyn and yue yun changed soo much already.. now dun look alike already.. haha..tats good news.. hahaha.. last time was totally alike now no more le.. haha.. but i think yue yun more attractive then her.. hahaha i think la.. but both very sporty de.. i dunno y... almost they both haf the same characteristics.. hahahahahaha...... sooo cute de.. first time see got such pple.. look alike then got almost same personality... hahaha...... ok le.. dun talk bout them le.... *giggles* and by the way.. to all 5566 fans !! they will be having a autograph session at JE this sunday at 2.30pm beside the Popular field.. ahhaha ... go see the 5 hansome guys... hahaha !! hahahahahahha i find them very very admirable.. they set good examples.. except for one.... the spoiler lehz.. always do stunt... that Zax la... ren fu.. but he has a nice voice.. hahaa.... tats all for today le.. Buai Byee~~ byee~!! *^_^*V Wednesday, March 17, 2004
*thinking* *pondering* *wondering* hmmm... today i think yue yun went 2 her frd's place for bbq.. then surprisingly !! she got online... !! thats totally weird.. then now she tell me she at her frd's place.. i was thinking she was having bbq at ECP... haha... dunno lorz.. summore Affirmation coming.. she will be busy at Affirmation... then later will be her Bday.. dunno can get to celebrate with her ornot... if cant.. then i think i will pass the present by post.. then if can.. then of cuz.. muz also prepare sumthin memorable.. hahaha.... *think*think* i believe in miracles.. cuz after so mani years.. i finally found her.. and the place we first met after such a long a period of time is actualli at the AMK train station.. and shes wearing her ncc uniform.. and she was having blisters.. haha..heartbroken.. see her walk like tat... super heartbroken.. then saw her home and stuffs.. haha...sound so like the s.h.e mv.. actualli.. when i saw the mv.. i was realli realli sad...cuz the ending is soooo sad.. i dun wan things to happen like this.. but the beginning was nice.. haha.. together ... soooo sweet... if onli such things can happen on me... i will thank god.. i would die for such pple.. who is sooooooooooooo sweet... hiaz.. *sigh* too bad... i wonder if she knows that i am actualli waiting for her.. n i am finding her... in the last few years.. *sob* "Ever since i first met u. i know i have found wad i am looking for. and Thats you. Its through you that i find happiness and through you, i find the colours of life and love. I once lived in a world filled with black and white. but when i get to know you.. things started to change.. life became more meaningful, more colours.. U changed my life, i gave up my part-time job as a photographer, composer and a computer hardware analyst.... cuz my morning is for wondering, my night is for reasoning and Everyday and Every night.. i am missing you.. i will never forget u.. never leave you.. your hair, your eyes.... always inside my memory.. please give me your sadness and burden... i wan to go to the dimension where i can miss you.. i will remember it forever... the day u lose everything... i will be at the end of the pacific to take ur hands and guide u again.. no matter what.. no matter the obstacles, no matter the distance, time, place, weather, i will stand by you.. till the day the stars dun shine animore and the sun dun burn anymore... if only you can get to see this... i hope by that time... we wun be juz friends.. but more then that... " "Ta hai bu tong yong yuan bu tong... ru guo ka kuo na jui shi... yi a yong bao neng dai gei shou you...." "mei you ni de ri zhi shi hei bai,yuan lai zhe shi lian ai. wo xiang yau ni zai wo shen bian.fen xiang wo shen ming zhong de mei yi qie, wo xiang yao tian tian shuo, tian tian dui ni shou wo you duo ai ni.... ai zhe ni.. " Monday, March 15, 2004
Wednesday, March 10, 2004
..SHOULD I OR SHOULD I NOT BELIEVE HER ?!? I AM TOTALLY PISSED OFF NOW !! cant decide... hAIZ.. !! need some conforting lor.... hias... Monday, March 08, 2004
i treat most of my friends as buddies and i know i treat everyone the same and equally... unless that person is special to me.. through so much.. i know these 3yrs is indeed very long.. and i am finding her secretly and thus.. i found her.. i dunno wad i can say now... i know. now .. i am totally un-motivated, lifeless, and my life ... is sooo "black and white" theres nothin i can describe in words.... i think its in her, that i can find confort in.. as in i am able to tell her my personal thoughts and feelings and she can too.. but the thing is that.. theres soo much time / space constrains... and i cant think of anything.. but to take 1 small step at a time... hias... i am sooo weak and tired now.. totally exhausted... i think i wanna sleep now.. and hopefully.. 2molo will be a fast and wonderful day.. without worries... bye. sob " Dun Misunderstand i am on what trying to tell u...... in the corner of my mind, it feels like we are running out of time, i am down on my knees, i cant take it anymore. When we are apart. wecan feel it too.. no matter wad i do, i feel the pain... tearin up my heart and soul.. i feel the pain.. with or without you... " Sunday, March 07, 2004
and she was sounding soooo bored like wan to die wan to die like that.. hias.. i dunno hw she feel when shes talking 2 me lorz.. like irk talking 2 me like that sia... wadever la.. i dunno la... and i think 2day same thing lor.. not alot of things to talk.. the most when she called... she will most prolly want me to meet her at her place to get the cd.. hahah..tats all lor.. nothin much la... she is so busy.. so mani unexpected things... soo irritating... wadever la... and now i am waiting to take my dinner then later i will see some things on the net then most prolly back to bed again... hias.. i dunno y i am soooo tired today,... hias.. so worried bout the events this week one... hias.. soo lost.. i realli need yue yun's motivation to keep me going.. if not i will die off pretty soon.... "Ni Yong Yuan Shi Wo De Zui Ai, Bu Guan Ai Ni You Duo Nan, Wo Hui Jian Chi Tao Di, Wei Wo Men De Jiang Lai Er Fen Dou Dao Di. Ruo Guo Ai Ni Shi Wo Zhe Yi Shen De Cuo,Na, Mei You Ji Hui Lai Ai Ni Jui Hui Shi Wo Yong Yuan De Tong, Yong Yuan De Pei Shang Yu Hei An" <-- written by me to her... "Loving You is eternal, no matter what obstacles may come in our way, i will endure to the end and fight for our future. If loving u is a mistake i haf committed this lifetime, then, without you and not a chance to allow me to love you will be my pain,sorrow and darkness eternally...." Saturday, March 06, 2004
today soooo boring nothin exciting happened at all... and its like... soooo boring lehz.. nothing happened at all... hias.. and then a frd of mine.. a good frd of mine ask me 1 qns.. wad are the 5things/person u would like to haf this lifetime.. so i answered the following: a) I want to be with the person i love,protect and love her, & always by her side. b)Health c)Paper Qualifications (to Go as far as i can, and finally being able to study music and psychology <-- did i spell it correct ?? ) =p d)Wealth ( So i can take care of her and my family and to give them a better life) e) Fame / Social Status / Happiness (Power Corrupts, Absolute power, corrupt absolutely, thats y it isnt impt for me to haf power) thats wad i answered... so i think tats all.. my main goal now.. is to pass Olvls and also to get the things and person i want.. whom i haf been trying to find secretly.. it isnt a secret anymore cuz of tooo much publicity.. all thanks to "Singtel""StarHub""M1"... and the forver extra "Virgin Mobile" they.. hias.. go round telling pple.. soo sian... wad ever la.. hias.. today.. nothin happened and i think its sumhow better then things happen and get myslef irritated... I've come so far in finding her.. and i will not give it up... hias... i gotta sign off now.. hope 2molo will be a better day... byee... "I can give u anything in the world as long as its within my reach.But deep inside, its Love that i have longed to give you. its the Protection and Love i want to share with you. and I want to share everything i have with you for this lifetime, and the next. We maynot be born on the same day,mth or year. But fate as brought us to meet in such a special day. Its destiny that has allowed us to be friends. But are we fated to be lifelong partners ? Able to share our happiness and woes with each other... As long as i live, i will never leave u in the darkness, and i shall protect and love you till the end of our lives and time. This I Promise You. When the stars up in the sky dun shine anymore, thats when i stop loving you... ... ..." Friday, March 05, 2004
ohhh.. wadever... i know where my heart lies and i know who i can give it 2.... i am confused.. and i know... that... the previous scar is too deep and it will take time for it to heal and it will take time for me to accept another one inside me... a heart can never accept 2 hearts or else everything fails and breaks apart..... there can only be one.. and theres no other way.. but 1.... she lives inside my heart and soul... and its her who has opened up a whole new world for me.. and i am eternally grateful for that... i haf been finding her for the past few years.. which it has been a secret that lies inside me.. now that i've found her... theres no reason y i should keep this secret as i have already found wad i have always been finding... now.. i am trying my very best.. to win her over.. and eventually.. i hope.. things will be good...... i cant write much as i juz got home from a series of shocks... my brain is empty now.... i tried so hard manz...things arent they were b4.... in the end.. it will eventually be a memory.... i will write off now... nothin matters to me now.. except her.. i put my trust in her and all whom i trust... theres only one thing she and all should know... She will be the only 1 who i will trust and support till the day i die and leave this world... while my friends will always be those who are my pillars of life.. and u shall haf my support and blessings in everything u do.. and may God bless u all... i shall now depart this post and rest... i havent been sleeping for the past 32hrs...... byee~ Wednesday, March 03, 2004
Tuesday, March 02, 2004
must cherish every moment and chance i haf.. if not when she enter NYJC... i think i will haf not many chances liao... that place.. filled with filthy desperate ex-single gender school idiotic fools..... i hate pple from those school... always there to make life difficult for us.. pple like from CHS, TCHS, ACS(I),ACS(B) and etc la... i hate it la.. speaking of them makes my blood boil.... wad to do.. they haf rich parents, best tutors, they haf the best of everything and of cus.. they will of cuz haf access to the best in this world.. where got like me... sooo down to earth. got nothin, not $,no looks,no brains, and i hate my life... everybody mocks at me... things werent they were before.. even when i tried hard... everything fell apart.. i had to fight to live it on.. but in the end... it all doesn matter... i put my trust in her... wished that as far as i can go.. for all this.. theres only 1 thing she should now... for all this.. theres only one thing she should know..... but in the end.. i dunno if she even matters bout it... when we are apart i feel it too.. and no matter wad i do.. i feel the pain... i dun understand.. juz why we cant be together... hias... sian... i cant take it anymore... no matter wad i do i feel the pain, with or without u... dun misunderstand.. wad i am trying to tell u.. in the corner of mind.. it feels like we are running of time.... let it go... hias.. impossible... i cant take it anymore... its like tearing my heart apart.... into scraps of unwanted pieces of heart and soul.... and no matter i do i feel that pain .. with or without u..... when the vision surround u.. bring tears in ur eyes... and all that surround u are secret and lies.. i will be ur strength, i will be ur hope.. keepin ur faith when its gone.. the one u should call.. hes standing here all alone.. and i will take u in my arms.. and hold u right where u belong.. till the day my life is through.. this i promise u...... i loved forever.. in lifetimes before.. and i promise u never, will u hurt anymore. i give u my words, i give u my heart, this is a battle we'e won, and with this vow. a forever has now began.. now close ur eyes, each loving day.. and all this feeling wun go away.. till the day my life is through, this i promise u, all and over i fall, when i hear u call, without u in my life, i juz wouldnt believe it in at all... and i will take u in my arms, and hold u right where u belong..... juz close ur eyes each loving day, and know this feeling wun go away.. and every word i say is true.. this i promise u.. yue yun.. i know u wun get to see this thats y i am writing about u openly... when the day.. u get to see this... prolly things and situations might be totally different... i never though love could be like this.. u changed my world totally.. theres an angel.. its a miracle.. ur soul is a secret i couldnt keep... and god must haf spend a lil more time with u...... in all creations of things great and small... u are the only one that surpasses them all... its wad lies inside u... i trying hard to figure it out.. i am i ever did without.. the smile of u... a smile child... soo sweet... when i look into ur eyes... i know its true...god muz haf spend a lil more time on u.... i never though love could feel like this... u changed my world with juz 1 meeting... theres an angel.. its a miracle.. i think i gotta sign off now.... thats all i haf for today.. and i have nothing to write now... sooo excited in meetin u again... i wish u and all good nite... sweet dreams and savour every hour u haf now... cherish wad u haf now.. and be contented with... my life and my pride is broken and lost.. it will never be found till i truly talk to her.. and thus when things haf turned out i wished it is.. then it will be then i will regain my life and pride in me... too much is lost is the past.. and now.. its up to the both to us.... bye now.. and a little *muack* to her ONLY.. not applicable to others who haf come across here..... thanks! Monday, March 01, 2004
What do I do to ignore them behind me? Do I follow my instincts blindly? Do I hide my pride / from these bad dreams And give in to sad thoughts that are maddening? Do I / sit here and try to stand it? Or do I / try to catch them red - handed? Do I trust some and get fooled by phoniness, Or do I trust nobody and live in loneliness? Because I can���t hold on / when I���m stretched so thin I make the right moves but I���m lost within I put on my daily fa癟ade but then I just end up getting hurt again by myself [myself] I ask why, but in my mind I find I can���t rely on myself [myself] I ask why, but in my mind I find I can���t rely on myself I can���t hold on To what I want when I���m stretched so thin It���s all too much to take in I can���t hold on To anything watching everything spin With thoughts of failure sinking in If I Turn my back I���m defenseless And to go blindly seems senseless If I hide my pride and let it all go on / then they���ll Take from me ���till everything is gone If I let them go I���ll be outdone But if I try to catch them I���ll be outrun If I���m killed by the questions like a cancer Then I���ll be buried in the silence of the answer [by myself] [myself] I ask why, but in my mind I find I can���t rely on myself [myself] I ask why, but in my mind I find I can���t rely on myself I can���t hold on To what I want when I���m stretched so thin It���s all too much to take in I can���t hold on To anything watching everything spin With thoughts of failure sinking in How do you think / I���ve lost so much I���m so afraid / I���m out of touch How do you expect / I will know what to do When all I know / Is what you tell me to Don���t you (know) I can���t tell you how to make it (go) No matter what I do, how hard I (try) I can���t seem to convince myself (why) I���m stuck on the outside How do you think / I���ve lost so much I���m so afraid / I���m out of touch How do you expect / I will know what to do When all I know / Is what you tell me to Don���t you (know) I can���t tell you how to make it (go) No matter what I do, how hard I (try) I can���t seem to convince myself (why) I���m stuck on the outside I woke up in a dream today To the cold of the static and put my cold feet on the floor Forgot all about yesterday Remembering I'm pretending to be where I'm not anymore A little taste of hypocrisy And I'm left in the wake of the mistake slow to react Even though you're so close to me You're still so distant And I can't bring you back It's true the way I feel Was promised by your face The sound of your voice Painted on my memories Even if you're not with me I'm with you You, now I see, keeping everything inside with you You, Now I see, Even when I close my eyes I hit you and you hit me back We fall to the floor the rest of the day stands still Fine line between this and that When things go wrong I pretend the past isn't real I'm trapped in this memory And I'm left in the wake of the mistake slow to react So even though you're close to me You're still so distant And I can't bring you back It's true the way I feel Was promised by your face The sound of your voice Painted on my memories Even if you're not with me I'm with you You, now I see, keeping everything inside with you You, Now I see, Even when I close my eyes With you You, now I see, keeping everything inside with you You, Now I see, Even when I close my eyes No, no matter how far we've come I can't wait to see tomorrow No, no matter how far we've come I I can't wait to see tomorrow With you You, now I see, keeping everything inside with you You, Now I see, Even when I close my eyes With you You, now I see, keeping everything inside with you You, Now I see, Even when I close my eyes |
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it has been a long journey for me, to arrive where i wanted to belong for too long
been alone for some time. being hurt and quiet for too long.
the heart grows stone, and cold as time passes by, it grows weary...
awaiting for someone kind enough to give me warmth in this cruel and cold society we all live in
every now and then. someone appears.
every now and then, i see little hope that i might be able to find someone who understands me
but usually dashed when one was unable to love me for my flaws.
it has been tough so far.
really tough...
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