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Sunday, July 31, 2005
ok.. got some pics... like the common kingfisher, sunbird and another bird lah.. dunno wads the name yet... lol.. gotta meet some nice pple lah.. but during lunch time almost doze off when arthur and fuse started talking about panasonic camera things.. and the rest who are nikonians and canonians started dozing off... hahahahahhahaha..... oh.. and yah.. kinda bored in the evening coz the comp is doing its batch processing. and weichen is out printing.. and said wanted to call me ? ended up talking on the net with a laggy comp.. blah!! hahaha.. nvm... so yah... today dunno wad to say.. started out good for the whole day and ended the day with a smile... and yah!! nice sunday i got today... whaaa.. hahahaha............... ok.. NDP got things to do liao lahs.. finally can go out in the morning and do some shooting till the night.. whahaha.... kk.. loooogin 2moooolooooo... Saturday, July 30, 2005
but before the fireworks. the singapore airforce's fleet of fighter jets flew past. as their engines roared. it sends a roaring sound into my heart, waking every single part of the patriotism in me. as the flag flew past, and i looked towards the CBD, i am realli proud to be a singaporean. although sometimes i feel like i sucked nards. but now... i dun think so.... heh! ok.. sounds like i am brainwashed and not the typical singaporean u all know too.. hahaha oh well.. my connection keeps DCing... so prolly later have to reset my IP address again.. shit!! i feel like killing the server there.... aarrgghhhh... ok.. it spoiled my mood. i shall write till here... *whoever took those sticks away from the BTBE site deserved to be thrown into the sea!!* i sound so murderous... yes i am!! i am abit angry. heh.. but before the fireworks. the singapore airforce's fleet of fighter jets flew past. as their engines roared. it sends a roaring sound into my heart, waking every single part of the patriotism in me. as the flag flew past, and i looked towards the CBD, i am realli proud to be a singaporean. although sometimes i feel like i sucked nards. but now... i dun think so.... heh! ok.. sounds like i am brainwashed and not the typical singaporean u all know too.. hahaha oh well.. my connection keeps DCing... so prolly later have to reset my IP address again.. shit!! i feel like killing the server there.... aarrgghhhh... ok.. it spoiled my mood. i shall write till here... *whoever took those sticks away from the BTBE site deserved to be thrown into the sea!!* i sound so murderous... yes i am!! i am abit angry. heh.. Friday, July 29, 2005
can see la.. so tired... we was having this webcam going on actually, tats why i could see her tired face, and she couldnt see mine.. heh.. if not she will complain like why am i looking so tired everyday.. lol... so yah... i think we jus finished talking a few mins ago. and same.. she went to sleep now already i guess.. and afffected by her lah!! i am so tired now that i am going to sleep now before the shoot 2molo at MS and YCK 2molo... whahaha..... very very tired.. looking forward to the morning... write in later in the morn! bye and nites for now. heh! "Life is Unpredictable.Never did i expected things to turn out this way. Although it was not what i wanted. But i believe things will turn out the way i didnt want them to be. Things and emotions come and go as they like. Its uncontrollable. Everytime i think about. I cant stop thinking about. Emotions, a power far greater into anything. In which Hate can become physical strength, so deadly that i could deliver a deadly punch. Love can too become physical strength in which to protect and defend the loved ones. Emotions. The pool of untapped power and strength in each of everyone of us... Amazing.. Totally Amazing" Glenn Yong. 29th July 2005 (9.30pm)
Thursday, July 28, 2005
therefore in short. A change i sense. Eminent it is.... "When you become a Man. You'll put away all the childish things, including a childish mindset" I see myself changing over time. It was a premature change. But i know its worth the change. after lunch had my this video viewing.. hope to get some ideas.. and indeed, while others are watching the show. i was there. staring at the subtitles hoping to find some meaningful quotes i can get there... the show was called "Ghost In The Shell" ok, its an anime. tats all.. rather old i believe, by the looks of its graphics, it was almost with the same era in which gundam was created.. hahhahhaa... ok.. this morning, around 7.10am. received a sms from weichen. and YES !!! she said she couldnt make it cos her classes will end at 4pm... blah~ den i was like sian half lah!! coz i wanted to pon the classes in the afternoon and hang in town before returning home with loads of new concepts for developments. but then.. looks like cant go till she finishes her prelims la.. which i think its after my upcoming holidays in 2 weeks time.... blehz!! den lucky she called at 11plus when i was about to doze off la... den she called. so now. still awake.. prolly because i suddenly dozed off in the train la... lol! kaes la.. bo pian.. shes nt coming. saturday shes nt coming, sunday i think confirm shes nt joining me to the botanical garden chit chat session with the flowers.. heh!! so yah.. this week's shooting outing is alone again.. i was wondering what she will shoot for her competition ? oMg! hw.. i am sooo friggin bored... wEicHen!! i aM gOinG to BIsSH UUU!! nvm.. i understand.. prelims coming.. u should study hard.. so now.. u better nt think about going to HMV's, gg to town and chill, and visit borders liao! onli i can think ok.. =x jking la... after ur prelims den we discuss this again. but prolly i will be going town very soon coz my markers are running out of ink! gotta get the refills sooon.. and i think i need a new wallet.. goodness u reminded me of my own wallet.. use for so mani years liao.. time to change to something new.. heh! neeed a new shirt, new tie!! and a new hairdo! muahhahahahaah..... hmMMmm!! do i hear a shopping spree coming ?? NO!! coz no $.. muHAHhHAhahHa... i am going bonkers.. its all because of u lahhhh... uu uuu u u u .... bonkers... whaHHAhhah.. muAHhahaha...... *siao.. slaps myself to wake up* Wednesday, July 27, 2005
hmmmz... i tot of leaving school at lunch time thou.. so i can go home and change and run out liao.. and prolly hang around in town a while as i need some inspirations for the conceptialisations too... hmmm.... maybe should give a call and see hw. well... i think today kinda tired too.. but lucky weichen came and gave me a wake up call.. so until now cant sleep. all thanks to the wake up call.. the "energiser" whahaha... oh wells... looks like the pontening is emminent. oh well.. i think i am gonna ponten 2molo during lunch lah!! heh! kkz.. gotta sign off now... crap.. was on the phone for 1.5hrs..... lol!! i didnt know the hokkien word Cham(mixed) can be associated with the word Charm. lol!!!!!! Tuesday, July 26, 2005
well.. i dunno. she have been with us for 6yrs now... its like i am here updating this blog i feel guilty.. coz i am like disturbing her sleep. sigh.. i feel kinda down though... its very sad to hear such a news... sigh.... i dun think i can carry on writing anymore... kinda sad and tired.... very sad too... sigh.. my rabbit!! sigh... wad to do.. its all nature... sigh... Singapore Girl losing out in love Star,MalaysiaDecember 5, 2004 Insight: Down South By SEAH CHIANG NEE THE sad existence of 300,000 white-collar workers in Singapore who can’t find wives was headlined in a recent report: “No money, no looks, no education”.This has emerged as a national crisis because of the numbers involved. It is the cumulative impact of Singapore’s rapid economic changes, especially the fast emergence of the educated woman.Over the years, female undergraduates have outnumbered males and also matched or outperformed them in many professions as part of a global trend.Few of these women are prepared to marry men who are below their educational or economic status. The prospects of this small army of blue-collar men ever getting local wives range from slim to near impossible.Girls who hold degrees averagely earn S$2500 to S$6000 a month, while the men’s earnings are no more than S$1200 to S$2500.The impact of this mismatch has become patently evident. Men in their 40s live with their parents or siblings, and some related in interviews that they had not gone on a date for more than 10 years. This is dealing a severe blow to the institution of marriage and the family.In recent years, an increasing number of them are seeking their brides in Vietnam, China, Kalimantan and other regional countries. The reason is, of course, not entirely economical. Even some educated men are convinced foreigners make better wives, because they are perceived as more domesticated, less arrogant or materialistic.One common complaint against Singaporean women is their demand for the 5Cs – condo, car, credit card, country club and cash. Others blame the Women’s Charter, which they say is over-protective of women, loaded against men and may even encourage marriage break-up in some cases.Others say the 30-month (now reduced to 24) national service for men has sharpened gender rivalry.In recent months, Internet forums are full of comparisons between Singaporean and foreign women as wives.“Some Singaporean females are simply arrogant, especially those with high education levels,” read one message. “They always think that Singaporean men are good for nothing while they themselves are perfect.”Others complain that many women here don’t know how to cook or do household chores and are too dependent on maids since very young.In a recent popular TV documentary Get Real, one Singaporean lady agreed that her peers are “hard to love because they don’t need anyone; they're too independent”.Not all the men who marry foreigners are hawkers, taxi drivers or low-skilled workers. Some are professionals, earning S$5000 to S$7000 a month. For every Singaporean man looking for a Vietnamese bride, there are 2000 women seeking Singaporean husbands. The demand is so great that it has spawned an active matchmaking business in Ho Chi Minh City.“The cost of a marriage package is as low as S$6000 to S$7000 compared to S$15,000 in recent years,” said one bride-seeking Singaporean.The ladies are hitting back. One has angrily denounced men who import brides as spineless and whiners.“They believe in self-contradictory ideals when it comes to women and have no intention of working hard for their family,” she said.“Singaporean women wish to see some backbone in you all. We do not care about what you earn or whatever. Just show us that you truly are a man and not some whining screwdriver. This is very, very disheartening.”On charges of arrogance or being spoilt and demanding, they shoot back with: “Look at the mirror first, please!”Not long ago, a woman wrote a letter to the press asking for the government to intervene to make it harder for foreign women to marry Singaporean men. Singaporean women are increasingly measuring better and better against their regional sisters in education and earning capacity, but are not too highly valued as wives.“They are more career-minded, not domesticated and have high expectations” is one verdict. Vietnamese and Malaysian women, for example, are more gentle, less demanding or opinionated.“I am a simple man looking for a simple girl,” said a 30-plus ethnic Chinese on television who recently married in Ho Chi Minh City.One newspaper reader suggests the government makes it mandatory for a new wife – and husband – to undergo minimum training in cooking and various domestic chores.“It’s appalling – many Singaporeans over 30 can’t cook, wash or iron their clothes or do simple household chores. Many live with their parents and are looked after by maids,” said a returnee from abroad.He had learned to do all these while living abroad.“I think most Singapore girls can't make it. Those who really make good wives are rare,” he said. “It seems our society has changed for the worse due to external influence. Some of them like to flirt around.” A Singaporean woman penned an articulate letter to the press recently, in which she said the Singapore girl is a challenge to love.“Although she may, at the end of the day, be a supportive and faithful spouse, the barbs hiding her soft interior are daunting to the suitor,” she said.“She is materialistic, and loves being so. Shopping is a major hobby, and looking good is absolutely essential. The man is but another accessory, a helper, chauffeur, bag carrier.”The writer said she had been to Vietnam.“The girls, true to form, are slim, tall and soft-spoken. Every word is punctuated with a smile, even when you are driving a hard bargain with them,” she said.“Their speech is melodious, and they work hard without complaining, carrying loads of cloth and vegetables in the market stalls and food places. Simple, gentle and hardworking, it's hard not to fall in love with them.” By comparison, the women here have assimilated Western role models of strong women “without taking into account the men alongside us”.They tell themselves: “We are not going to be one of those docile wives who nod their heads and cook for you at the slightest command.“We are not going to have wool pulled over our eyes by your romantic nonsense. No way! We are women of the new age.”She concluded: “Somehow the whole idea of women’s liberation in Singapore seems to have come at the expense of our love lives.”o Seah Chiang Nee is a veteran journalist and editor of the information website littlespeck.com (e-mail: cnseah2000@ littlespeck.com ) ------------------------------------------------------------- i believe the above statements are very true. it still remains the fact that singaporean women are becoming more and more independant, and may even have surpassed men in terms of dominance in the industry. as our economy grows stronger each passing day. our minds filled with jobs and problems to solve. but have we ever took a step down and think for ourselves. is it time to cross another person's path ? well. Although we say that singapore's policies are very effective. but did we fail to see it side filled with Cons rather den it's Pros ? its time now, that the Cons have turned its ugly side on us. Singapore is facing a long-term problem : Falling Birthrates. *tsk tsk tsk....* -------------------------------------- just to share something before i sign off for today. The Best and Most Beautiful thing cannot be seen or touched.They must be felt with the Heart. now. i finally knew, whats the best and most beautiful thing for me in my heart...
Monday, July 25, 2005
but NO! went to school and found that 70% of my classmates were late. had a PIE test, which wanted me to set personal goals, and had 4hrs of drawing lessons up to 3.15. as usual skipped lunch to save $, so ended staying in class watching Initial D on the big screen. apparently one of my classmates dled them and showed in class la. the next movie will be Madagascar. and War of the Worlds. i hope.. heh.. weichen's sms in the morning prolly gave me some impact. sian a bit cause i wondered if she was ok in school. she sounded so like "depressed" in the sms. and so when we spoke at the phone around 4pm. she was like denying it lah.. so maybe she wasnt depressed after all.. but the person who is depressed is me! blah !! hmmm... for my project. i came out with 11 concept sketches, hopefully its acceptable to my teacher's standards before she leaves us.. omg, tat will be so sad when shes going to leave us.. lol... such a great teacher.. oh well... jus finished my 11 concepts and prolly moving to do my phase 2 of my concept sketches 2molo. how i wish i could pon school 2molo. but i cant!! got soccer match.. heh.. i dunno if i want to stay back and shoot the event. or shall i just shoot the saturday rugby event ? hhmmmmmmmzzz.... shall sign out now... hope to write in earlier 2molo.. Sunday, July 24, 2005
Pisces (Feb 19 - Mar 20) When something startles you, it can be rather hard to predict what you might say or do in response -- and that goes for any situation. But now that you're feeling a bit more emotional than usual, if there's anyone who's been toying with you unfairly lately, it might be wise to warn them that you're not always this nice. Not that you won't always be nice -- but that the symbolic fish of your sign really do represent two opposing forces, and you don't always know which one will win. i think the above so called "predictions" are realli true. and i have highlighted some sentences to let those who read it know. well.. i am nice to most pple. esp my buddy. she will know. i am nice to my cadets. thats why they keep "pestering" me for more trainings. i am nice to those who are trust me,confide their problems to me,and so much and so forth. i give my ugly side to those who do not trust me, who give me problems and make my life difficult.i believe 2 teachers in juronville have seen them. and they will either 1, remember me that i am such a person, or 2, never play fire or authority with me. sometimes i admit i go overboard sometimes. but i think theres a limit to everything. i used to believe. ruling a unit with an iron fist is the way where a unit and grow and prosper maintaining the best of the best and whats left is the elites.i used to look down on people who gave welfare to their men. but now. i have changed my perception. i have learnt the words of Welfare and Leadership. and i have understood what i realli meant. TO give the best form of training is the best welfare, and the win the hearts of my men, will be the leadership i want to have. To Command Respect and Respect Command to learn and experience all these, i believe it has made me a very different person than i was 1-2yrs ago. i know i see myself changing everyday. experiencing different problems and solutions to them. my day started well. but ended like shit. but its ok. i gave 101% today and achieved the results i wanted, and learnt something new again. everyday is a new learning experience for me. people piss me off now and then. but i try not to take it personally, but to take it as a experience and learn to handle them should the need arises. although i have found a new life. i look forward to being emotionally independant. and eventually be someone being not only independent in terms of working, but be able to depend on myself. allan told me once, that the ONE that i will eventually be with, will be the one who is closest to me. my sister told me this too. i never believed in such nonsense but neither will i choose not to listen and understand why they said it. their words came though my mind when i was out there alone in the reserve. sitting there and looking out towards the shores of malaysia.i sat down. and pondered. and decided not to think too much about it. there are things i want to say. there are things i wish to say. there are things in my heart. and there are things in my mind. i kept them inside for as long as i breathe. i think i have found someone whom i can confide my heart to, to tell him/her these things i want to say.But the fear comes every now and then. To master the fear. its not easy. For courage means there should not be absence of fear, but the mastery of fear. the spoken words of the heart and soul. can never be expressed in words. but Pain is an expression where an individual suffers from the inside out or vice-versa. The Pain in the heart is recovering. But the scar will always be there. leaving a mark to remind myself that the pain i once suffered was because of her. her words will be always in my mind "Please do not assume me for whom i am not" i do not intend to quote her words on what she told me. but to my believe. from that day onwards. she made me realise that i will have to wake up from this problem that i have sunk in for the past 2 years. Her words have also partially changed me. however although the main person who changed me is my buddy la.. i shant write too much. and i shall keep some within myself so i could move on with life with lessons learnt, and new experiences ahead. i shall walk a step and count a step. my life has changed and it was never liked before. new goals. new life. new meaning and a new hope. You gave me Hope, You gave me Light. No matter what i do now. It can NEVER be compared to your simple words that changed me for life, and it can never be compared to the trust that you gave me. What i have done is nothing compared to yours. Commitment is what you can give willingly. Commitment is not how much time and effort you can give, but Commitment is how dedicated and faithful you are. How much are you willingly to give. Although giving time and effort is part of commitment, these factors are both bi-directional, which caters to that both parties must provide equally to work out. Commitment isnt about ONE, Me and I only. But the 2 must contribute and work out together as one. And that is Commitment. I do not get these answers from a book or any source. I got these answers when i was sleeping yesterday night. No matter how tired i am. My brain is working out solutions and answers to problems that was thrown at me. shall sign off for now. hope to write in more. rather moody now. hoping to find someone who can add sparkles to my life, and show me the meaning of Hope and Happiness.
kaes.. was out at marina south. hoping to catch some bee-eaters in the morning. as started waiting there at 7.45am till 11pm. got like 350 over shots. and prolly maybe onli 10-15maybe used. maybe eventually lesser due to stringent tests and settings. shot 2 species of different birds. so tats why i had 300 over shots in 4hrs including waiting time. hahaha.... so far. so good. finished uploading them. and preparing for the next shoot at 3-4pm at sungei buloh.. hmmmm... i dunno why pple still think i am still assuming ? well.. simply i dunno why.. or simply i am thinking too much? Issit ME tat YOU are refering YOU to me?? =] today marked the first week of my new life. and its seems to work out pretty well as i not expected it to be. so hmmz.. lets hope it will be better 2molo. although now i have made a decision to like give up all hopes. but that doesnt mean that we cant still be friends.hope prolly we can chat up a lil more.. oh wells. tats a hope. although i can see u online. but simply i dunno if chatting up with u is the right thing to do either. cuz u always give a very cold side of you ? well i dunno too... maybe its me that is over sensitive tats all... well.. gotta go catch some sleep before the next shoot. bye! hope to write in later! Saturday, July 23, 2005
so like when i was there... freaked to see sSOOOOO many girls there.. tat was in the morning la.. there was the GGs and the GBs there... of course alot of girls la... sadly no one came forward asking me for my number! ahahahahaha.... chey.. i also not interested.. all so like lil girls.. sec 1- sec 2 kinds.. so the whole day was like supervising rather den doing shit jobs. coz i was following my assistant district commander. like some bodyguard and assistant. ah! carry this carry that... bleh! that day's $5 very hard to earn ah.... oh well... another prob i had was like NCHS (Nan Chiau) CO came to me, asked if i was interested to open PDS for him, and his cadets was like again! trying to entice to me to train them giving me so many lame things to attract me to their unit... nvm i didnt give the green light yet. but i would definately love to..bunch of nicee pple.. i have 1 week to decide... hmm... yEAH! 2molo shooting in the morning and afternoon liao!! heh heh he !!!!! muhahahaha.. hope to see some results later.. Friday, July 22, 2005
hmmm.. from what i heard. my first slide will be my experimental slides. which aHH.. cost me $10.60. jus for a test shoot of 36 exposures.. omg.. it will burn my pocket if i am going to shoot velvias, provias and kodacromes and ilfords... ok anyway... we shall see this sunday's results.. so as usual i list my battle equipment down.. heh.. not to show off la pls... a) Nikon D2H b) Nikon F5 c) Nikon D70 d) Nikkor 24-105mm e) Nikon AFS 18-70 f) Nikon AFS 24-85 g) Sigma 70-200 h) Sigma 2x telecon. i) Manfrotto 190 NAT plus heavy duty ball head. (sian!!) well... practically full "combat gear" already. lacking the 200-400mm and the hope to see some 500s and 600s there.... and i inquired about the 300 f/2.8 AFS VR, it was like $8640.. kaos!! super super outta budget liao i rather get a 300-800 sigma le... anyway.. shooting alone this sunday. hopefully on tuesday the results could be better ? tuesday no full gear thou.. super heng! maybe monday i will decide what to bring for tuesday. Friday maybe planning to shoot too. followed by a recce on saturday morning to Location-MSth. dunno if my pets are still there.. hmmmmm.. hope so la... piang.. need to book in at 8pm.. so like 6.15 will have to leave home liao.... grrr!! kkz.. i think write until here today... btw. the Fuji Velvia 50 Professional. cost me $10.60 per roll... omg... 1/4 of my pocket money gone.... nvm.. its nothing compared to the prizes and the outcome too.. the results hope it gives is well worth it... tata~ loggin out lo!! ok.. well... i very stoned.. wad to write ? later going to bleed pocket ? and erm... like... the orchard field trip ? and erm... YAH !! AAAHHH !! BOOK IN AT 8Pm!! NOooooooooooo..... so early... die liao lor.. i mus reach home at 5.30 and prepare and fly to AMQ at 7.15-7.30pm to Ops room... sIAN...SiAn aAHhhhhhh... den 2nite sure cannot blog one lor... Oh noooo.. nvm.. saturday night sure can blog one... but i wonder if i can remember the details and write them here.... bored.... waiting for the 6am show... The Simpsons to play on Star Tv. heh...... muhaha.. but there was a show on the FHM 100 most sexiest woman... lol! can spend some time sticking on tv la.... hahahahahaha... angelina jolie got top again... BOooooo Boooooo !!!! Boooooo !!! dun like her at all... Ew.... nvm... be calm.. and lets all wait for the simpsons...freaking bored... i also tot of going to the library on a thursday or monday.. but no time.. freaking schedual packed like crazy... aHHhh... stupid section head.. put the lessons until 5pm.. i no time to do my stuffs.. pple leave sch at 2. we leave at 5... wth!! shitty... nvm.. i will sign off now. and pack my stupid baggie.. today bring a mini bag there i dun care liao... *grrr!!* mood swing? (btw, guys gt pms one meh??? if theres such a thing i think i am suffering from one. if not. means i am overstressed liao.... i believe guys no haf pms one la !! onli girls have them... HAHAHHAHA!! ) Thursday, July 21, 2005
well.. after finish the concepts i was told that i had to include human figures inside... AHhhhhhrgghh... and btw. i super duper hate drawing human figures..*dunno why* juz dun like it at all... blah!! so went on the net to check some out..so ended up with some drawings... so 2molo maybe can show iris the drawings and see what she says... news came from weichen that she will not be joining me on the sunday trip to sungei buloh... OOhhhhh!! so sad.. nvm la.. no accompany, i shall talk to the birds and the nature there... =p. i sound like some idiot or clown.. =p nvm.. theres a outing planned on the 31st on SBG, so prolly will make another trip on the friday or tuesday. depends. i was thinking on tuesday... after lunch. pon the 2hr lesson and run like the wind liao.. 11.50 run frm sch. and by 1.25-130 i should be back home preparing to leave for sungei buloh again... i heard from johnathan that ubin has some immigrants in lately. they are called "Greater Comorants" although their colours are not very lively, but they are a bunch of very natural birds... hmmm.. should try it out tooo... nvm, we shall see.... theres so many things about nature we can shoot one... maybe do a macro on dragonfly again.... heh!! this one.. i will not be so stupid to use f/2.8 liao... i will shoot that darn dragonfly at f/8 !! hhahahahaha... use remote shutter release or timer... hahahah.. kkz... weichen. in order to get good crustings for ur egg tarlets, u will need to find pre-made tarlet shells... i will have to find the address for u. if i am not wrong, jason's market at tanglin and city hall have them.. maybe u could go search for them... if not.. i will find the supplier's address.. alternatively, u make the tarlet shells first. den let it cool. make sure it hardens. the most important part is that it is harden and able to withstand the filling when it is hand-carried. and 2molo is friday !!! lessons end at 11.15 and we all will go orchard for our so called "class field trip" blah!! den i can walk to city hall and get those flims liao... 2x velvia 50 !! that will be $17-18.... blah! 1x kodacrome 100 !! $9 1x provia 100 !! $7.50 (i wonder if they have stock for this....) ah... pocket bleed like siao!! and friday gotta report camp for National Heritage Trail... AHHH!! sIAN !!!! sAi gAng agAIn!! ok.. i noted about the "k" and "g" spelling error... hehahahha.... AHHH... sAI gAng!! sIan Ahhhh......... AiyAH..... aIYah........ aIYah..... SiAn.. sIan.... sIAn..... blAh... sunday come quickly.... nites !! later sign in at 4.. There's one particular secret you've always wondered about -- something you've never felt completely sure about, from almost as far back as childhood. That one particular issue is about to come to the surface now, and when the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth is revealed, you'll be equal parts relieved and startled. The good news is that the outcome you always wished for is most likely what you'll discover. hmmmmmmmmmmm....... this one is kinda weird ? my childhood ? seriously, when i was a child. i remembered myself being wanting to be a firemen, inspired by some tv series, however if childhood includes my life as a student. That one particular issue is somehow history if i am not wrong. The truth is revealed and the outcome isnt what i wished for. hmmmmz.... my dreams now. theres so many of them. but theres a few to name which quite alot of them will know. to be a aspiring designer, and if possible region-famous. to be a designer,photographer and a "home-trained" chef if possible. i dunno if its possible. but i wish i can draw as well as Chip Foose, a rather well known automobile designer in the states, and a photographer, well... well-versed is all i ask for. and having the $ to own a house to live comfortably for me and my parents, to provide for them, and to find the one true one whom she can be there. i wish to do this, i wish to do that... but in a society like singapore, where every interests that i like seems to be saturated with professionals and amatuers alike. to break the barrier is as hard as banging my head to a wall of 1m thick. well.. i will have to fight to complete everything with perfect results if possible. i learnt something new today while i was riding the train some days ago
i find this term very very cool ? well.. especially the picture though... very interesting... somethings crossed my mind, thats why i woke at at 3am to write this blog. theres so many things on my mind. so many...... i want to do these, i want to do that.. but i cant. i simply cant.. my financial status now. forbids me to achieve things which i want. i am no longer self-sufficient as i was 2yrs ago. i am no longer have the power to get things i wanted my way. although, money was not everything in the past. but it seems like to me now. things that i need all require money. things need to get paid. and i am no longer working. financially crippled. finally. when i was about to step out of my darkness. i am financially crippled. which girl would want to go out with a financially crippled guy.... BLAH!!! damn it.... i wonder if the sunday thing is still on. 2molo is friday. prolly we will nt have time to discuss unless we discuss it later or tonight. saturday will be a freaking tiring day. so chances is by the time i reach home. i would be laid flat... flat on the ground.. 31st there will be an SBG outing with the AWA guys ? hmmmm.. maybe its time to attend some AWA meetings to see what they have installed there. Cos its like, if wei chen were to come along. i also dunno. its a either or matter here. we can get some macro shots there if she want. but thats up to her la. prolly she cant make it since its in the morning. we will see hw things go again. she was showing me her prowess of the tablet pc. keep drawing poo... =.=!! whats on her mind anyway. eeewwww! ok la... i dunno wad to say too.. maybe shes just excited over the tablet la. to be frank its rather cool though... but its 2k la... hahah.. forget no $, unless today i am granted an instant $5mil. and i would be so happy that heh... you will see my absent for 3days. coz i go shopping spree. lets see.. if i were to have $5million. what can i do with it. a) Buy a property at Sentosa Cove b) Buy my dream cars (Honda Integra & Toyota Celica -plus trick outs) c) Buy my dream collection of camera stuffs.. not much la 100k should settle it all. d) Hire a image consultant e) Get my wardrobe done. f) Invest in something. (Something with returns..heh!) g) Go on a holiday. h) Donate $50,000 to charity i) put $1.5 mil into a swiss account. j) put $1.5mil into a Citibank account. k) collect interests and spent life comfortably. hahaha.. and the rest... if i get the $5mil den we see how.. hahaha!! and yes.. give treats la! hahaha... but now.. all i can do is dream lo... wad to do... theres so many things i can dream about. but simply. sometimes i can even slap myself at having such greedy thoughts. but its all human instinct. let us all be humble... sigh. cant wait to finish school day and 2molo.. den its the weekends again!!! yay!! although its being burned, but at least, i dun need to draw and draw and draw...... weekends pls come la! seems like recently i have been looking forward to outings to shoot ? *dunno!* aaaaaaahhhhhhhh.... its 3.30am!!! how !! how !! shall write in again 2nite... blah!!! =] mistakes i have commited in the past shall not be repeated. i hope to remind myself time and again to make sure i dun commit the same mistakes. i shall not repeat history and make myself suffer. Please try to forgive me Stay here, don't put out the glow If every minute it makes me weaker You can save me from the man that I've become Looking back on the things I've done I was trying to be someone I played my part and kept you in the dark Got nothing to hide no more I don't know where to start So please try and forgive me
Its all about a tragic end to things i always thought that it was the most beautiful thing i ever experienced.
Wednesday, July 20, 2005
- Welfare - well... we always regards welfare as a form of relaxation to the system or the chain of command. however, for those who have came across this line will agree with me that this welfare will have to be changed into a lesson that the best form of welfare that can be given in the Corps should be World Class Training. although we cannot afford to train students to think and react like real professional soldiers, but at least to provide them with World Class training materials and the latest most up-to-date weaponry training, and military syallabus. well.. thats for that i have to say for Welfare from what i am concerned. --------------------- information was given that there is a photographical exhibition at J8 this morning, so during lunch, i went and take a look. i was surprised to see Terence's works there... lol.. rather interesting. hmmm... most of the pictures taken was from flim, therefore i can almost conclude that the pics were rather grainy due to high ISO and large reproduction ratios. the grains were rather obvious when they are reproduced at such sizes or the pics are subjected to high cropping factor. ok lets see... i tot of replicating some scenens which i tot it will be easy thou.. i dunno.. since one of them is at Bukit Timah hill.. so maybe we could give it a try there... and this sunday we had this outing to Sungei Buloh. i wonder if there will be people there trying to snatch or break our rice bowl though.. heh.. hmmm... but its ok... i think the most important thing is that we learnt something out of the things we do and hopefully gained things which money cannot buy. and that is Experience. Although i am trying to find time to shoot. i think the effort was well worth it, whether the shots make it to the top 100 or top 1000 in the international levels. i think weichen should be the one benefitting not me. since i am still learning as i go along, and top 100 in her school is rather easy for me too.. it tells me where my skills are in terms of local school level. hope it will act like some form of a gauge for my skills as i go along and learn.. my sis ytd mentioned that her friend seems to know yue yun via the OC forum.. durh.. i understand why she told me that. but in the end, i explained to her why i wasnt responding to her when she told me that and i practically ignored everything what she said. HeEh.. so its like i have 1 more hour to burn before i will leave school and back home again.. and another 1.5hrs ride home.. blah !! guess i will just have to sleep on the train today again.. and news says that there will be some sort of crappy fire drill 2molo in school in the morning.. durh !! its like kinda bored!!! Aaaarrgghh.... and gotta do some crappy survey... blehz!! wth!! lets us all do this and get done with it.. hmmm...... boring leh... sianz.... well... its the wednesday and its the 3rd day of my new life. getting on well now... hoping to walk out of this darkness as soon as possibe though... kaes.. cant wait till sunday.... PLS !! sUndAy cOme fAstER !! Tuesday, July 19, 2005
well... it seems like we suddenly decided to pay a visit to sungei buloh this sunday... afternoon! heng ah! so morning i can pay a trip down to SBG for some macro shots... hmmmm.. intend to shoot 1 roll Velvia 50 for SBG and 1 roll Velvia for the birdy shoots... heh.... so..... hmmm.. yah... we will discuss this outing again. and next tuesday friday and sunday ? maybe decide on the trip there lo.... hah.. burned off all my weekends liao like that... ok... today learnt something called Commitment - Commitment - my previous entry. i mentioned something to me about blind and was such a fool. because in the past. i questioned myself whether do i have true friends by my side when i needed them. i doubt everyone would be there when i needed them. Fear was inside me. fearing that they would take the most precious things away from me. the Trust wasnt there. Not until recently. i finally realised what Trust was all about. i felt what friendship was about. i felt what life is all about. i felt something. alive. finally. Theres someone whom i can trust. someone who is there when i needed them most. someone who would always lend a listening ear when i need to. I never thought that our friendship would last till today. heh.. totally amazing. today in class practically did nothing. because i was stoned.. i dunno why.. maybe because i am re-adjusting to my new life. it will not be long before i go full swing into my final exams in 4mths time... heh! felt so much better and more lively to know that i am no longer someone who is alone. the one who carries his own burden and keeps everything to himself. although i am someone who prefers to be alone at times. someone who prefers to work alone rather den a team. but theres a time when i needed someone to work with. the dark side is slowly disappearing. disintegrating into the vastness of light and space. the dark side is slowly being overwhelmed by the Light. it will not be long before i will join the ranks with the Knights of the Light. where i shall be strong again and fight against the dark. Dramatic it maybe. but its how i like to write about my life. Darkness and Light. i shall write off now. I wish to say a very good nite to everyone who reads this blog and to my best buddy *you know who you are already* jia you !! for ur exams and prelims.. i am here supporting u !! and 2molo will be a better day. with the entire day with iris and the last 1hr with siti.. heh.. hope it will be a sunny and bright day for us all ! the gloomy days for me are over now.
We didnt talk much. Didnt know what to say. We didnt know we would last till today. 5 years have passed. From Friends to Bestest buddies. What i wanna say is a big Thank You. For all these years. For being there for me when i needed someone. For giving me support when i needed them. I regret that i didnt give you much attention like now. I didnt know that you played such a big role in changing me. I didnt know that you are the one who eventually changed me. I was such a fool. For you. I wanna say a Big Thank You. What i can do now is reciprocate everything you have given me. Give everything if not more. Thank You. To my Bestest buddy Wei Chen. Who dedicated her time and effort for me. I shall dedicate this entry for her. Monday, July 18, 2005
I made a decision that will change my life. And today is the first day. Nothing much happened today. Although we ended our conversation at 1pm yesterday? i think it was still ok la... i slept at 1.45am, and woke up at 4.55am to prepare for school.. heh... still very energetic.. coz i slept my way to school, and i slept my way home... 3hrs of sleep liao... hahahaha... sleep at mrt, sleep at bus.. everywhere also can sleep... hahahaha... "trained" to sleep anywhere, any time haha... hMmmm.... hmmmmmmz... well.. today didnt do much also.. so maybe today also will write a lil shorter liaoz.. And of course i learnt something new today. - Fear - This is what i experienced and thats why i wrote it down. to remind myself that i must walk out of my fears. Its within me, and no one can control it except me. I will no longer allow it to consume me like before. I shall master my fears and walk out of my own darkness. I shall write off for today and await my greatest buddy's call again... i wonder what has been installed for me next.. hmm... curious and hopes of anticipation.... Sunday, July 17, 2005
I am so Proud of them now. proud with a big P. I want to tell them that i am very proud of what they did today. And i am extremely impressed with their performance knowing that they only trained for 3 weeks, 3 trainings, total 12hrs in total. from Introduction of Syncronisation. it was all perfect. I had the best time i had i ever had in my Ncc career. I thank them for making all these possible. And to be frank. I am very very touched that they gave me a big thank you after the performance. If only my cadets were half as enthu as them, half as sensible as them.. I am very happy for them. Well a big reward is coming for them tats why.. .hahaha... Well the reward is from my own pocket $, and they well deserved it. even if i were to starve for the next 2 weeks or so. Its okay. because i know, they already gave me their 101% of their energy and commitment in this extremely hasty preparation to actual performace. -------------- Things i saw this morning will always be history. After tonight's sleep. It will be a brand new beginning. Brand new start of Life, and a Brand new meaning to everything. I know it will be a better day 2molo. When i got home at 9pm. the first thing i did was to on the pc, and to reply emails and etc etc. now i am surfing blogs and as usual, weichens first, followed by esthers, blah blah... din exactly read esther's one because i was very very touched, in fact. i almost cried. EH! for those who know me in ncc. know that i am a strong person. stone face and no expression one rite. but now.. i am so touched that i actually duunno wad to say. She did something like dedicated her entry for me again ? Omg.. i am touched and so so touched that now i wanted to cry. esp what my cadets tell me. until now. i still wanna cry.. i am very very emotional now also.. so many emotional things happened today. cadets will miss me after this thing. soo many things... i learnt a few things while i was on duty today. It touched me completely and i am well.. very very very emotional when i recall what i see and what i experienced today.
i am glad i still have such a buddy by my side. who still stands by me in my times of darkness now. My Men made me proud today. I am proud of my Men. and they made me, their CO, their Unit and NCC proud. I am Proud of you guys. I really am. Should there be fate, we will meet again. Some day some time in HQ NCC. Weichen. Thank you for dedicating a blog entry for me. I am very touched. SO many touching moments today. Although i am down and out. You and my cadets were there to touch my heart and to let me know that theres still people out there who believed in me, and to know that there are people out there who had faith in what i do and have confidence in my leadership. I thank You all... i dunno what to say... i think i am going to cry.... THANk YOOOu !!! Ahhh. this is the most memorable event i had in my entire ncc career... *sob* clinging on to something which does not get reciprocated is no longer meaningful, no longer as wonderful as i tot it will be. it was all part of wishful thinking. i blame myself for not trying. i blame myself for not showing. even the skies above is making fun of me. pouring rain when i was expected to leave at 7.30am. depressed i am. desolated i am now. but i've got no choice but to move on with life. In search of the angel that God promised me. once I thought that She was my only reason that i am now. I though she was the one who could only make my life meaningful. And i though that she will be the one i eventually will be with for the rest of my life. I was naive enough to harbour such a thought. I failed myself. I failed my friends. And what my buddies, fellow peers, and classmates said was true after all. We are nothing but friends or even now. strangers like before. I do not blame her. Neither do i have to tell her how i feel now. I knew this day would come, before i could make a move, everything's gone before your very eyes. I know shes a good, wonderful and cute girl. but its now all impossible. blame it on my eyes for looking at things i shouldnt. even now she shuns me ? i no longer see her on the msn. we no longer send smses. and we no longer talk on the phone. that was how life used to be like 2yrs ago before i know her. where i didnt even know her name ? but searches around blindly for her.. The Time has come. The Truth i Seek is out. I Trust what i see. I Believe what i saw. I Honor my words. I put Faith in what i do. You Hurt my Pride. You Hurt my Passion. I chose to Run. I chose to Hide. Because I no longer have the courage to face you. I no longer have the faith i used to have. and I no longer have the motivation to share my wonders that i have seen with you. Although i am depressed now. I will do what it takes it hide this side away from me for today. The day when my cadets are proud of what they did today. And their new found Pride in what they do. I shall feel happy for them. And Proud that all these has come to an end. After today. A lease of life. New hopes. New found Passion and a new found Pride. You came into my life two years ago. You gave me colours to my life. You gave me motivation to what ever i do. You gave me things that you never imagined you would give. You gave me what i lacked most. Courage. I fought for my own Pride. I fought for my own Life. I fought for everything i own now. I defend my rights. I defend my status. I blame myself for not being able to show you how much you meant to me. But should the day comes. I will not let this chance slip through my fingers unknowingly. But i hope that i can cherish you like theres no tommorow. I wanted you to know that. No matter what happens. No matter the outcome. No matter the aftermath of anything you faced. I hope you can remember this in your heart. That you once entered my life. You gave me things that i couldnt afford. I will always remember things that you told me. Should one day. You have no where else to turn to, I want to let you know. I will always be there. No matter what. I will be there for you. Supporting you in everything you do. Its your own life. You make your own decisions. Blame me if you want now. But i have nothing left to say. All my pains will be consumed one day. And i shall walk out of my own darkness. And should one day. That you came across this entry. I hope you could sent me a sms. telling me that you actually came across this entry. I will know. That until the day you sent me the sms. I will know that my life has ended. And its time for me to enter a new phase of life. I have things to say to you. But i didnt have the chance to do so. Not because i didnt try. But simply i knew why. I do not blame you for that. But i understand. I have some last words before i end this entry as my final dedication to you. I tried to cherish every last moments we had together. I tried to make every moment last. I know my losing points. I know what i lacked. I failed to show you the flame i had for you I failed to show my love and dedication for you My failure proved my incompetence. My failure proved my weakness. I know i will carry this final moments with me. As a lesson. As rememberance. As i walk away from my Memoirs of the past. I never Never in my life. met such a wonderful person like you.I speak everything here on this blog with a broken heart. now left shattered into thousand and one pieces. I Love you Yue Yun. Its all over for me now. I thank you for allowing me to know that you existed here in my heart. Knowing that you are breathing at the other side lets me know that what i have done and lived for was well worth it. I thank you for everything. I thank you for making me move on. Count not what is lost. But Count what is left. What is left inside me is practically nothing. Thank You Yue Yun. Thank You.... Hope that one day. God will arrange us to meet again. On the streets or somewhere except the Church. Should that day come again. I will make sure i do not commit the same mistakes i have made now. today. or 2yrs ago. I Thank You once again and I Love You for the Last time. I Love You Yue Yun. Saturday, July 16, 2005
well.. my uniform is ironed out already... heh.. hmmm.. i think i need to get a photo hosting site again... hmm.. which one should i choose ?? hmmmz..... hmmm.. which one ? confused... ahhh!!!! so fast its already sunday.. den later the next week got Heritage trail... uurrrggghh !! packed !! hmmm.. haven seen yue yun online for the last entire week.. i wonder what shes up to... *think* i also wonder if she has a blog ? *evil luff..* i dunno.. i think she dun haf also.. taking into considerations that she dun always online one... =p who knows also... hmmm.. well.. i think the next blog entry will have some pics coming in and out ?? hahaha. okies.. lets see..... well... i wonder hw is she doing.. it has been some time since i last hear from her... *sigh* i miss u.... I said" Yes Lord. I needed help more than anything else in this face of the world." God told me this in my dream: "I have sent you an Angel from the Skies above. Find her, and cherish her like you always did, like you always wished and dreamed for." "Find her You will. Someday." Many have crossed my path. Many have given me things i never expected. Things that i learn and i see. But one will eventually make a difference in my life. A turning point and a new journey begins. In search for the Angel that was sent from the Skies above. I never believed in any religion. Neither am i inclined towards a particular side. I believed in all. And i respected all. Should the Angel appear before me now. I shall fulfill my dreams and wish that i have made. Its now 2.41pm. And yes. I see things other's dont. I feel things others dont. I do not predict. But i perceive and make assumptions. Judge me for who i am inside. For what i possess. For what i know. Words of wisdom and learning. I learn and move on with life, step by step. Yes. I am 18. But i no longer think like a 18. You will know when you get to learn more about me day by day. Month by month. year by year.... ok.. today was Part A TFP, so as usual arrived early and came to know that Air will be sharing with us... blah!! ok nvm.. that wasnt important. i came across some docus which eventually i found them quite "disturbing", it was the organisation chart of Sea CLts and a seperate copy of a organisation chart of the latest Air Clts. so there were names i found it familar. and there is a name which actualli i found i super shocking.. well... dunno wad to say.. but that happened in the end of the TFP. So actually made me kinda down thou.. i also dunno why... ok.. i took ACS (I), Canberra and Maris Stella today. combined and split into 3 groups so i had 35 under me for TFP with 2 specialists. after the TFP, i asked how they felt about todays training.. *glennyong mantra: ask typical qns! let them answer the fake answers and the truth lies in the opposite" everyone said training was nice.. clt was friendly.. blah blah blah.. all the potential apple polishers... ok.. nvm.. my time with them was ok. except for some talkatives one.. later got info that we have to involved in some sai kang! shit!!! NDP Carnival.. arrrgghh... kenna again!! shit theres another, and i forgot wad is it again.. ok.. den went out to shoot. well..for those who kept track of the previous entries, u all will know who i went out with. YES. its her. correct. my bestest bestest buddy lo.... so yah.. shoot nightscapes until like 11. and now juz reached home.. its now 12.27am. and CONFIRM she sleep liao.. bwahahaha.... sms blacked out after the last 2nd one... ok.. so she asked me why did time passes so fast. i wanted to tell her the same thing that i told fereen when i was with her out there getting something or what la.. i forgot. The question to Why Did Time Passes so Fast ? the answer do not lies with the person who gave the question. But the answer lies in the heart of the person who experienced it. Its not because of constant communication nor the state of mind and soul. state as in tired or energetic. The answer lies in the heart. Ask the question to your heart and find the answer should you have the chance to see that person again and have an outing with him/her again. It has been a proven evidence for me. i found my answers 2 years ago. but the answers kept changing. 4-5years ago, when i met weichen. i did asked myself the same qns to my heart when i asked myself the same qns when i met yue yun. the onli difference was that 4years ago. weichen said something that changed me practically and made me more "enthu" to learn more about the answers i seek. from then... i knew... the answers i seek lies in my heart. today i had 2 answers in my heart to 2 qns i tried to answer. its a either or Or. but now... i know... the time is up.... thats the 1st answer. the second answer is i seek to find the Truth of my heart. but the Truth is that i need to understand my aim and goals more. hmmm.. well.. very tired too.. so dunno if will shoot 2molo morning.. but i will try though... "What makes you different. Makes you beautiful" "What's there inside you. That makes a difference" maybe you didnt know how u changed my life. but in fact u did. not the HEr that we chatted about. she did changed hw i viewed life. She did make me realise things i nv knew i could. You changed my life in a different manner. maybe u didnt see that. but u did. all thanks to you. i am a different person. i want to dedicate this entry to you weichen. for changing my life ever since we met. you made me gave up candy. it was you who rescued me. theres so many things i can mention and i can go on and on.. .. Thanks for everything u did for me. Thanks for everything. Without you. i wouldnt be here blogging. i wouldnt have so achieved so many things. What i have. Is because you gave me a chance to achieve them. What i do here for u. its nothing for what you have done for me... its nothing... simpy cannot be compared to yours. thank You.... Theres so many things i wanted to share with u too.. but there are things that can be said, while there are things are better to be left unsaid. Because its weird. thats all.. =p Theres a few small quote. comprehend them. and soon u will find the answers u seek. "I'm not a perfect person As many things I wish I didn't do But I continue learning " "As time rolls by you will get to know me A little more better" I am not a complex person. SO! pls.. know me like u used to. Bwahahaha... Thursday, July 14, 2005
hmmm.. so erm.. actualli cancelled the friday morning shoot. so yah.. left with the nite one.. well... hmmm.. i think i will leave the F5 at home and bring the main and back up out for the shoot... so yah... we shall see hw the arrangements goes.. have to also select 1 shot from ytd'd birding for printing.... heh!! hahahaha.. hmmmmm..... this week suddenly seems to fly pass quickly... i dunno why also... hmmmm.. i am tired thou.. cant write much for this week coz i am exhausted.. but i will fight on... aarrgghhh... neeeed.... reeessst..... neeeeed yoooooooooooooou.......... i wan to see u... i want to meet u, i want to love u, and i want to share the world with u... trust me i will.. Wednesday, July 13, 2005
but the trip was meaningful. and i was able to use some exotic lenses.. hahaha.. the Nikkor AFS 200-400 F/4 VR lens.. was in my hands... whahahaha... suddenly i became invincible.. lol... my camera suddenly felt alive as if it has found his long lost buddy. suddenly became very co-operative with me.. hahaha.. *usually it does not..* ok.. i shot like 224 pics today.. including the D2Hs VS D2H test. so the final results. excluding the repeated shots. there was like 18 acceptable ones.. heh... lol... in the 18, there was at least 3 which i think can take part in student competition and win something at least. ok... so like maybe i can give weichen one of the pics. so she can go WOW to her photographic society pple and blow her classmates away.. haha... oh well.. yah.. so maybe 2molo or saturday afternoon i go collect the additional equipments. the auxilary bodies and lenses. ok.. 2molo we shall see the arrangments for friday. i think i will go with johnathan go shooting in the morning and attend camp in the afternoon followed by a meet up with my dad for the equipments and see hw it goes.. i dunno... 2molo den decide how first... hmmmmmmz... Tuesday, July 12, 2005
reached home at 10.15pm... den now... half dead.. my brain is like durh! wha... kkz la... we had things sorted out already so maybe now its time to plan logistics... hmmmm... AHhh.. 2molo report camp... bleehz.... weichen faster online.. its 11 le... muhaha.. nvm if u are busy.. i am bored tired too.. lol.... allan i hope u are right again... but my instincts say that i am doing the wrong thing.. its against my principles... hmmm.. i shall look into the matter u told me. heh............ heh... .. .... ... .... all i know is... if u are reading this.... i dunno... i am at the crossroads now... make me believe that u are the one.. why are u avoiding ? or am i thinking too much ? it as been 1 week since i last saw u on the net thou... =p Monday, July 11, 2005
bLAh!! den agreed to go on a friday.. pAing... den its like crashed with TFP, so either i go TFP and ask for early release and go in my no 4 or drag along with the lim tong hai talk until 4pm and fly down to city hall... both also die... hmmmmmm... so its like both sides also die la.. tats for sure. unless 2molo go. oH crap.. make up lesson. hmmmmz......... crap la.. like that... the best solution i had will be either go 2molo. and have a few days to think.... hmm.. JIA LAT!! oh well.. 2molo i will discuss with weichen la.. finally.. decided to meet her 2molo for discussion... MICA dun go liao... piang... headache ah!! ok... at least we have something worked out... wha-ha-ha.. pengz... now.. cannot listen to Mp3, cannot visit forums, cannot dl and listen songs. and not even midis from me and my friend's bloggies... darn it.... stupidddd administrator.. i will rip him apart when i see him... *grrr!!* well... yesterday i was thinking of some issues regarding about my time schedual.. looks like there will be some shifting around for the next few mths to accomodate for the shooting trips and outings for this dear friend of mine.. wad to do... gotta help this wonderful friend of mine since its within my limit.. this time, i hope my speciality will help her out... ooooUUhhhhh...... this room freakkin hot!! cant even breathe... omg... feel like bashing the air-con.... blahz! hmmm...... hw am i gonna burn the time like that when my mind is practically empty... lol.. hmm quote something ? or erm... write again ? I once said that the burdens i had, i want to carry them myself. i dun wan to share my burden with anyone.... i understand its like kinda true.. coz i realli find it no point to share it with anyone coz there isnt anyone to share it with! hahahahahahahahha.. well... the girl i like... i dunno.. seems like i dun haf the courage to tell her, and prolly even face and talk to her.. oh well... wtf thou... realli like 2 persons in and out of uniform... blah!! ok... today is the Air TFP. 2days. with Central Camp feast ending on wednesday. well.. i will have my TFP and 25m live range on wednesday and TFP on friday followed by Actual parade and rehearsals on sunday!! OOOHH !! CRAP !! suddenly realised i have something crashed on friday !! OMG !!! hOw ?? hmmm............ nvm.. later discuss with her.. see how... piang.. range will prolly finish at late afternoon evening. and i cant bring my equipments along either. kk.. nvm.. we shall go into that later in the night.. hope i get back soon enough.. ok.. shes in the library. so maybe she wun be home too early either.. Wahaha.. die lor.. hmmm... ok.. so prolly maybe have to arrange to collect the secondary equipments on wednesday or thursday night. F5 and D70 and the set and kit lens... actualli i was thinking on the 80mm F.2 Zeis lens.. i wonder who good is the bokeh... hmmmm... well gotta work that lens out with the D2h and the F5 on the Provia 50 and Kodacrome 64.. heh heh heh... well.. cant wait... lol.. 18-70mm is prolly a wide, but on the D2H, i dun think it will be as wide as 12mm la. the angle i wanted... hmmm... 12-24 f/4 will give the angle i want for some shots.. but i think the 18mm will be sufficient to capture the "joss-sticks" hmmm.......... well.......... how ? i am kinda lost... on friday.. clash... even if shoot night scene. its kinda impractical for her also... hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm....... nvm.. discuss later~! later !! Ahhhh.... Ahhhhh........ how hoow. Sunday, July 10, 2005
You don't run with a crowd darn.. because it rained.. i now have to replan my sunday activities... shit.. woke up at 6.30 to prepare myself for this rehearsal as usual. but with a heart full of scars.. injured emotionally. cripped. spastic. " The Dark has consumed the Light within me once again. I shall fight to stand on my own once again"
Tired because RSM ate into my time for my boys to practice. tired because everyone came depending on me to make decisions, tired because i no longer had the motivation to carry on. tired because theres no one to support me in whatever i undertake. tired because simply i was exhausted. energy depleted. i should have known. what ying yi and haikal said was true once again... i should have told her. but the courage wasnt there. she might not even accept me for who i am. so what if she knows how much she meant to me. its her that eventually will make the choice. i dun want her to make a choice that she didnt want. Why did i lie.... Why did i walk away to find... sigh.... i dunno why i am actin like this... sigh.... the pain.. simply unbearable. self-tormenting. my soul is being tormented. Saturday, July 09, 2005
ok.. i admit.. i saw the spoilers liao.. hahahahahaaa.. but hey.. some of its characters are boring too.. not like CSI... still prefer CSI better... muhahaha.. call me sick if u wan. big CSI fan here... =p well.. didnt do much today accept i think i closed a deal for a E-20P camera. and so eventually will have access to 2 more cameras to play with.. heh.. the D70 and F5.. muhahah.. tat will be soo killer.. i had some concepts in mind for some competitions. esp for the "5th Wall Defination" but hiaz... still gotta draw out... went to Chip Foose's webby to see how he draw his concept cars... gotta learn from him.. and we used the same brand of markers.. hehehehee... !! didnt know until today he started drawing in front of the tv.. lol ok well !! after much consideration. i have decided to dis-continue the story.. its kinda redundant anyway... read finish this blog is = to the story.... blah~ well... didnt see her online today.. so heh... maybe i was blind sitting in front of the tv rotting... i kinda miss her.. it has been a 2 weeks since i last saw her. it was specs when i last saw her. but heh.. i dunno... hope maybe i can see her on the next event or what la.. or maybe not.... maybe i shall answer weichen's qns to why i removed the taggie. 1) Removing of the taggie means i can have a faster loading up time due to less scripts involved. 2) I think if i want to do ranting, i rather put them all up like a blog style rather den putting on taggies either. 3) Sometimes. people who surf this blog. come and make fun of the blog. sometime i believe they dun insult me. they insult pple who are involved in the entry. i find them childish too. 4) Making use of the taggie to make accusations. *blah!* kkz.. shant do further... its my burden.. i started the problems i shall end them. When winter comes in summer When there's no more forever that's when I'll stop loving you And a broken heart is scared of breaking again But you've gotta believe me I'll never leave you You'll never cry long as I am there And I will always be there As long as sunlight lights the sky Light of love will be found in these eyes of mine And I will shine that light for you You're the only one, I'll ever give this heart to What I'm trying to say is, nothing will change this There'll be no time you won't find me there Cause I will always be there You will always have all my love Always... Friday, July 08, 2005
nvm.. i think i shall stay back next week to learn. piang... so many things missed out le.. hmmm.. today came across a story.. dunno if i can actualli write it here.. this story has been circulating for quite a long time. but i didnt know until yesterday. well.. there are a few characters in the story. i shall modify it so i wun infringe copyright laws.. *LOL!!!!* nahz... i think i shall just use its basic concepts of the story. i shall name these characters by mr A, miss B, etc etc..... Mr A met Miss B on a fateful day. He was attracted by her looks, her eyes and of course he wanted to know this lady. But he couldnt. They met at the local Starbucks. Mr B was discussing a proposal to his client. While Miss B was there sitting with a group of friends. Drinking coffee and chilling out. Mr A got distracted ever since he saw Miss B. And ever since he fell in love with the lady sitting opposite of him. Miss B. That was love at first sight. Ever since that fateful day. Mr A hope he would see Miss B again, so he would visit the Starbucks that he saw Miss B. Hoping that one day, he would see Miss B again. and wish to be friends with her. But she never came. Mr A, believed that his perserverance will serve him well this time, and so he waited, and waited, and waited.. For 3 yrs, he would visit the Starbucks every day. during his lunch time, and when he knocked off, he would drop by and get a cup of coffee and sit there for some time before leaving home. Deep inside him. He knew he wanted to be friends with this girl badly. What he saw was not any ordinary girl on the street. But a love of his life. He waited and waited. His friends kept introducing new female friends for him so as to stop him to wait for this lady, Miss B. He refused, and held on his stand that his flame for this girl will never die and her place in his heart will never be replaced. Many find his quote inmature and probably decided to leave him. Eventually. His closest buddy. Mr C came along. He was there to give him spiritual support. And hope he that his wait will be rewarded by being friends with the girl he liked. Problem with Mr A is that he is no hunk or Mr handsome. He looked ordinary, led a very simple life, and seldom have any excitement to his life at all. He was also kind of plump which also became his bad point. Most girls nowadays judge others by how they look, but not the heart that lies inside. Mr A is considered a guy who always has no expression on his face no matter the problem he has faced. When hesistated, his face will not tell, but his heart will be racing like a F1 Formula Ferrari. Mr A is also known to be someone who is low profile and has a very quiet personality within his company, and is someone that the company knows that he is extremely good at his works and someone who's a fast learner, well liked by his bosses, but because of his low profile character and his "work alone" attitude, some of his department "friends" might not like his attitute. He never visit clubs, never smoke, but he consume alcohol, but not to the addictive status. He never liked noisy places and would prefer a nice, quiet place for him to rest his mind and soul. Many considered him a nice, gentle and sensitive man. While some considered him to be a weirdo of some kind. Mr A, was sitting one day at Starbucks. Going round his routine. Reading off texts from his laptop and doing some product designing for his clients. He sat down under the umbrella outside Starbucks with a coffee beside him. Suddenly, he heard a familar voice. Stunned. and Shocked. He stood up. turned his head around. and there she was. Miss B. sitting there alone. with a cup of coffee. Mr A sat down. and suddenly hesistated. He didnt know but try to act calm. He walked forward and did a short introduction and asked if he could be friends with Miss B. Well... Miss B was in a kinda shock, until she received a call on her mobile. She continued with her conversation for the next 10minutes while she also invited Mr A to sit, while she carried on with her conversation. 10 minutes later. She ended her conversation. She told him that she gotta go and hope to see him again. She left a small note of paper with her mobile number. and her email address which was both an email and a msn account. Miss B left after she gave Mr A her details. Mr A, sat there. and looked as she walked away hurriedly. Mr A then later returned to his office and accessed to the Net to add Miss B onto his Msn. To his surprise he found out that Miss B was single. And he wanted to take this chance and hope it will turn out well for both him and Miss B. They chatted on the msn for some time. and Mr A realised that Miss B came from a family that couldnt afford things that she wanted. So Mr A wanted to help her realise her dreams by providing for her. What Miss B didnt know was that this Mr A has lots of connections within the industries of his and the media industries. He knew that Miss B liked a girl band. and recently they had a new album. He asked if she wanted it and they could actually pay dutch for it. Miss B agreed. But Mr A already was prepared to pay full sum for it as he knew Miss B wouldnt have the cash now to pay him. He bought it and gave it for her. It was the first so called "meeting gift" he gave Miss B. and soon it was Miss B's birthday. its 3 weeks before her birthday. Miss B sent a sms to Mr A. "hey! i just saw this doll at this shop which was the girl band!!" Mr A knew what she meant as he actually saw these dolls before Miss B told him about it, and before she knew it. Mr A already placed an order to have the dolls to be shipped from taiwan. On her birthday. The dolls that she wanted. was given to her as her birthday present. He wondered if she liked the present. and he was questioning himself from his ride home on the Mrt. Ever since the first meeting. He has already fallen for Miss B. But Miss B didnt know. He wrote his feelings on his online diary. And he only shared his website to his trusted friends... From his eyes. His friends all knew that he was in love. He was prepared to give anything and everything to this girl he has fallen in love with... (To Be Continued) Thursday, July 07, 2005
kks.. surfing friendster to burn time.. and the horo. said this People really like you. You really like people. What could be better? Telling them! No one has ever accused you of not having a big heart -- a huge heart, in fact. You have enough room in that heart for not just those you love, but for anyone who needs you -- or needs anyone, for that matter. Your mission now is to help those in that latter category to find what they're after without feeling obligated to provide it yourself. In other words, don't try to be what they need to make them feel happy. Direct them toward it instead. seriously.. i dunno what the horo is saying. but all i know my heart is big enough for 1. and my families and erm... maybe a selected groups of friends tats all... call me anti-social for all u want. because i select friends. i choose who i want to be with. not the other way around. tats why i was nick named the lone ranger. silent as the wind. deadly like the sword. ok.. tat term comes when i am birding alone in my ghille suit. half made... darn it.. need $ to complete making it.. anyway.. feeling very lost. this feeling never came except for the freak accident 3yrs ago in my secondary school. val should know abt this... down........... i love u... i will wait... i can wait... no matter what... i will change.. all i need is time.. tats all... i dunno hw am i going to tell u... i realli dunno...... seriously... i am extremely lost... crap............................ ................ i haven fallen once again..... Succumbed to the dark force i am... consumed by the shadows within me once again.. i shall fight for my stand... i muz stand on my 2 feets again...
terrible.. practically rotted in train... and worse.. no source of entertainment. not even a set of newspaper to read !! aarrggggh..... i need a PSP or something la... well.. worried if i pissed my buddy off ytd.. wahhhhhh.... i dunno ? she muz be feeling better i guess ? lets wait till she comes back later... dun ask her abt the competition liao.. if she ask den join in. if not i thnk i better keep my mouth shut.. heh.. today.. training very good... and of course.. we xchanged lame jokes to keep ourselves entertained la... lol!! and to think that NCHS was a single gender sch ? but no! when i was there.. it was a mixed gender one... blah!! totally bai wuuu long! darn it.. lol.. but nvm.. NOT interested either! ok..2molo back to school until 1.15pm! and theres PE.. oh nooooooooo....... gotta bring 2 bags liao.. shit.............. muz find a way to consolidate them... hmmm.. stupid shoes.. i should get something small light, and foldable, and i mean SHOES !!! cannot wear that adidas one for pe liao.. to ex.. maybe get something like the new adidas climbing shoes... can function as both sports shoes and blah blah... $85 onli ? saw it at the bugis boutique.. hmmm.. i think i shall drop by this saturday or sunday and take a look. the shoes look cool also.. heh... hOles every where... *cooling!!* =p i saw the Shuffle at $175 for the 512mb one... frigging ex la... stupid 512 cost me 178... overkill. might as well wait a while and get the Xbox Pocket which it was rumoured to have 20Gb in its HDD... hmmmmm... whaaaa.... well... feeling good because my NCHS guys made my life wonderful. smooth training and c0-operative. ha... no nid to raise my voice too. well... songs bring back the memories. the memories we had together. moments we share together. i cannot bring back the time. and neither can i relive the moments we had together. i need you.... i need you.... i need you to give me motivation.. i need someone to give me motivational support. to encourage me. to be there when i am down and be there to catch me when i fall. i will do the same. give her all i can afford and give or if not more. to put her first always and me last always. the someone.... the someone.... Wednesday, July 06, 2005
k la.. i admit today i practically bugged her liao... almost every 1hr sms her... whaha..my bill will be like so jia lat la.. hmm.. so when i talked to her. she replied like she was rather irritated or fustrated la.. it was my fault la.. shouldnt have pressed her like that.. should have been more relax.... cuz i was very stressed with the 31st Aug deadline also... its like 1.5mths before deadline.. so there will be like 1 week for post processing and printing which will take 2 -4 days. and planning on what to shoot... hmmmmmmm..... i hope she is nt angry with me la.. coz i also very the paiseh when i keep smsing her . coz i was wondering why didnt she reply.. so now i know liao... i think i 2molo keep my phone inside my pocket and dun touch it liao... welll.. dun gEt aNgry aH weIchEn !! i tReAt u eRm.... ChoCo bAr ? =D the one at the esplanade one la... =P... it sounds like a evil force... yes it is... :devil: i dunno why are they teaching something which is so low end in terms of advancement of technology. well.. maybe we have classmates who are technologically inclined or what soever.. so wad to do.. i had to keep my attendance up so as to allow me to get into the goody shoes of the teacher.. well.. seems like weichen is going to take part in the epson photography competition as what we talked about yesterday. i dunno hw i can help her in this thou... well... if i didnt remember wrongly there was some sort of a section for nature and street photography ? maybe i can try them out since its what i have specialised in. However i think if its nature, i should ask for johnathan for help. i nid him to bring me to the "perch" thingy and the kranji spots for the famous immigrants... hmmmm.... well... i dunno hw i am gonna help her. but i guess i will give her my full support. and maybe i can meet up with her that "photographer" classmate of hers ? hahahahahhaha.... =p well.. i think maybe i can meet up with more student photographers ard my age.. lol... nt wishing i can click with them. but to gauge my current standard. oh well... maybe 2nite will be kinda busy.. coz will be preparing the syncronising standards for my boys over in NCH.whahahaha.... and maybe plus weichen's photography thing la... hmmm.. well.. i have no idea what to shoot either... hmmmmmmm... i think this time as usual. BnWs and Vibrant Colour Saturation technique. lol!! hmmm... i actualli tot of using slides. although its expensive. but its worth the try. thinking of shooting in Velvia 50 and Provia 100. and maybe borrow Icarus's 12-24 ... HAHHAHAHa... the poison of his is going to kill me for sure... dunno... we will have decide on what weichen wanna shoot first.den we discuss what can be done. well.. i think i will have to update it tonite too.. coz i believe this entry is actualli to burn some time off also. *that weichen is having her rehearsals or something.. nv reply my sms or wad one... make me rotting here.... * *GRrr!!* nvm.. later i kp her in the night... heh.... make me wait for her sms for the whole day... bored bored bored !!! i wonder how is she doing now... i wonder what is she doing now at school ?? i believe finish class already ?? 3.30 wad... supposed to be on her way now.. way home as usual.. so maybe she will be home around 4pm or so.. i think.. well... its hard to say.... well... well... i dunno.. i want to talk to her.. but why do i always dun haf to courage to do so ? and when it comes to crazy and stupid things, i always number 1... gosh... time for resolutions!! hahahahhaa... kkz... i think i shall end here ? 2nite den update again... AND 2molo no need go school!! mUHahahAHHaha !!!! got leave letter... lol! okies.. be back in the later then... whua ha hahaha... =] *psst. i am no hyper. i am just so friggin bored that i am going to cry here... * |
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it has been a long journey for me, to arrive where i wanted to belong for too long
been alone for some time. being hurt and quiet for too long.
the heart grows stone, and cold as time passes by, it grows weary...
awaiting for someone kind enough to give me warmth in this cruel and cold society we all live in
every now and then. someone appears.
every now and then, i see little hope that i might be able to find someone who understands me
but usually dashed when one was unable to love me for my flaws.
it has been tough so far.
really tough...
High Priority
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